Spring Semester Planning for Kids Returning to College

You made it! The kids made it home, the in-laws were tolerable and there weren’t a ton of gifts that needed returning. Now that everyone is headed back to campus, it’s time to either let that old anxiety creep in or spend some time on the front end helping your son or daughter develop a plan to be successful for Spring Semester.

Money

If you have not learned by now, discuss how much you are giving to your kid and when you’ll give it to them. You don’t want to find yourself in a defensive position Sunday night while your son is blowing up your phone begging for their regular spending money to be put into their account early. I recommend putting money into the account 2x/month. Put it on them to create a budget which factors in their books, fun money and any other expenses. I also recommend a limit is set for any credit cards and deciding who and when it will be paid off.

Organization

Talk about starting the semester off with everything in it’s place – clothing, car, computer. Let’s make sure everything is reviewed, updated and ready to go. While we’re at it, let’s pull up the calendar and start looking into the future to see when things will need to be re-updated. Get the oil change scheduled, even if it’s two months out. Get the printer cartridge in your Amazon Wish List so that you can move it to the cart quickly when your printer gives you a frowny face.

Scheduling

Speaking of calendars, let’s go ahead and talk scheduling more in-depth. I recommend to every college student they use the following strategy: Get all your syllabi, Put all dates for tests, papers, office hours, etc on your calendar. For tests, count back from the test date one week and put schedule study times (no longer than 90 min). Do the same for papers. Break down writing the paper into reasonable and realistic chunks of time and put them on your calendar. Theme: Put everything on your calendar, everything. If your son or daughter are in greek life, there are a ton of events that can be put on the calendar. Same with internships or study abroad – break down all the details so that you can see things from 10,000 ft.

Travel/Visiting Home

Plan out whatever travel including home visits your kid will have mor might have. If travel plans are only possible and not 100%, put a question mark after it so at least everyone knows that period of time is possibly accounted for.

GPA 

If your kid’s GPA got beatin up a bit in the Fall, it’s probably a good idea to identify a reasonable expectation for the Spring. If your son or daughter limped home with C’s and D’s, ask what is a realistic GPA for which to aim. Talk about it but make it clear there needs to be something concrete. . Along with identifying a GPA to aim for, talk about specific strategies that will be used to support them. All colleges have student support and academic support options. For instance, here in Bloomington, Indiana University has a solid Academic Support Center with a ton of resources that work well for thousands of students struggling academically.

Graduation/End of Semester

Part of that schedule should also have details that show your finals and last day of classes. Put details about studying for finals, having family in town, etc. If your son or daughter is graduating, figure out details early in the semester since 1) things get crazy busy/expensive during graduation and 2) hotel rooms get sold-out.

On Campus Help

Besides hooking up with academic support, it’s not a bad idea to find a counselor/life coach that can act as liaison between home and school. This professional should provide regular updates to parents, meet and be available as often as needed. They should be well-versed in young adult issues like anxiety, depression and ADHD. Universities often have counseling centers on campus that provide individual counseling for about six sessions and then they refer to a community professional. They might have ideas about professionals near your kid’s school that can offer support.

Final bit of advice – trust your kids and trust the process. With a bit of planning, your kid’s semester will have highs and lows but ultimately, they’ll finish the semester better than they started it.

Rewards, Consequences, Punishment…What’s the Best Way to Parent Teens and College Kids?

A simpler what to think of this post is “How to Change Behavior.” That’s really the primary function of a reward or consequence.

There are more books on how to change kids’ behavior than just about any other topic. Ironically (or sadly), they all say the same thing. Punishment does not work; rewards work consequences for choices work. How can this be? Let’s kick the tires on the history and research behind this. If you hate history and research, jump ahead a few pages to the ‘how-to’ portion.

Context: Let’s Look Back First

For thousands of years before the Industrial Revolution, children were assets in an agrarian system (most humans up to that point farmed). We had lots and lots of kids since a) children were relatively cheap labor, b) most died during childbirth or as children and c) adult children became financial support systems for parents – the more children parents had, the more financial support and broader financial base.

In 1916, Congress passed the the first federal child labor law. However, pressure from big companies forced the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the law two years later. Following the Great Depression adults had become so desperate for jobs that they would work for the same wage as children.

In 1938, President Roosevelt signed the Fair Labor Standards Act, which limited most forms of child labor (but excluded agricultural work). This was the beginning of our modern view of children needing protection, love and nurturing. A pendulum was set in motion.

In 1946, another revolution took place. Dr. Benjamin Spock published his first book titled Dr. Spock’s Baby & Child Care (also titled The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care). Though a medical doctor by education and training, Dr. Spock’s books put children at the center of parenting rather than the adults. He encouraged responding to and engaging with babies and children rather than ignoring which was the advice up to then. The pendulum’s momentum builds.

Finally, we add in money and work. In the early 80’s, adults were working more, making more money and, as a result, needing to leave their children at home (the so-called ‘latch-key’ kids). Children would get dropped off from the bus and walk into an empty home. Cartoons and snacks were gorged upon till mom and dad came home. Guilt stricken parents with extra cash (…or more accurately extra room on their new credit cards) went and bought Ataris, Nintendos and the new wave of electronics and toys for kids. We were now descending into entitlement. About this time, school districts were changing punishment in schools (no more spankings).

How can old-school grandma and grandpa who raised 15 kids have been so wrong? All the kids turned out great, right? Well, let’s break this down a bit. First of all, it was a different time. No devices, internet and certainly little to no advertising directed towards children. All marketing was targeting stay at home mothers.

I also want to point out that most of these old school versions of parenting created some pretty nasty problems which is why the fastest growing demographics for substance abuse treatment are the Baby Boomers and the elderly. Old school punishment, drinking habits, and expectations led to a generation that was not well-equipped to handle stressors.

Now for the Goods

Here are the best ways to change behavior and encourage healthy choices. I’ve taught these, studied these and continue to stand by these effective strategies:

Commit to the Path

  1. Drawn into accidentally energizing and rewarding negativity leads to a battle – Be intentional about being positive
  2. Intentionally energize and nurture success
  3. Provide a true and deep consequence when a rule is broken – something that is proportional to the infraction
  4. Reward for what you want to see.
  5. Ignore behaviors you want see less of.

Establish Expectations and Boundaries

  1. Detailed rules/expectations and no grey area – kids are MASTER negotiators and litigators
  2. Chores and Expectations – daily schedule or list
  3. Bonus behaviors – Things you wish to increase
  4. Menu of privileges – Can include anything beyond basic needs
  5. Extend Structure – At school, friends house, soccer practice, etc.

Consequences

  1. Relentless pursuit of positives: Biased towards seeing your kid’s great choices.
  2. Strictness and Clarity: Be like a videogame – if a rule is broken, a consequence is administered no matter how you are feeling.
  3. No Leaking: Accidentally rewarding behavior with negative energy but they contribute to your kid behaving badly.
  4. Finite: Consequences do not expand and are tied to a specific behavior/event.

Rewards

  1. Catch them doing things right: When I run parent groups I ask parents to list the amount of things they caught their kids doing wrong in the last month. Easy list to make. Then I ask them to list three things they caught them doing right. Much harder. We are programmed to find faults in this attempt to modify kids behaviors towards compliance – making bad choices is the loud, obvious indication they are out of line. We we fail to see are the million little choices they make each day which are well-thought out and positive. Focus on those. Highlight those. “Hey Julian, I noticed you put the dishes away without anyone asking you to do it. Great job.” …And then move on. No need to get mushy and turn it into an Oprah interview about thoughts and feelings.
  2. Types of rewards: Your eye contact and facial expression are huge rewards for younger kids. Rather than giving kids an iPhone or XBox, I encourage parents to give time on each device or toy as a reward. Have you ever kept the car you rented at the airport? No, you paid them to borrow it for a specific amount of time and then returned it. There are few instances where I encourage parents to buy something to give to their kids as a reward. Time, praise, and access to cool things is often way better for everyone.
  3. Negotiating: If you find yourself constantly reminder, encouraging, begging, etc. for you kids to do A so they get access to B, you are violating your own rules. You are now negotiating.
  4. List of Rewards: In 2007, one parent I was working with could not understand why their teenage son was not motivated by the reward of time on their Blackberry (same year iPhone introduced). If they are not doing chores, getting good grades or engaging in the behavior you want to see, your rewards may be incongruent with their desires. Ask them to tell you what they’re into. Maybe its an allowance, money for iTunes or they want to borrow the car.

And Lastly…Own Your Home

This is a hard one for parents (… and most kids) but until responsibility for the mortgage, bills and everything that makes a home function is shared among all family members – parents rule. There is no such thing as the ‘kid’s’ room. Everything, every room, every toy, every piece of clothing is the parents’. Great parents allow their kids to use those things. Remember…privilges are not rights and kids get to own their choices, not their TV.

Good Luck.

Insider’s Guide: How to Pay for Therapeutic Boarding School (UPDATED for 2015!)

Before we dive into understanding the options for Therapeutic Boarding Schools, let’s quickly review what they are

The Rise of Therapeutic Boarding Schools

As public schools across the country have slowly been pruned back by state legislatures, funding for behavioral, emotional and academic support have nearly dried up. Therefore, it’s not surprising private institutions like boarding schools and private schools have exploded. One of the fastest growing kinds of boarding schools is called Therapeutic Boarding Schools. Therapeutic boarding schools maintain the advantages of traditional boarding schools such as intimate class sizes, individual attention, great academics, developing student self-reliance, and the fun of living with peers in a completely “child-friendly” environment.

Some therapeutic boarding schools specialize in helping teens overcome certain psychological problems such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Bipolar, Asperger’s and even Depression. Others have programs for overcoming substance abuse problems or achieving weight loss. Some specialize in helping students who lack motivation get a fresh start in a nurturing environment. Most have some sort of family or parent involvement piece to ensure a team approach (ie. Weekly family therapy via phone or Skype).

Expense or Investment?

Parents often find themselves in a desperate situation with a troubled teenager. Their daughter runs away from home again, gets caught with the dealer down the street, crashes another car, and has yet another arrest. Parents become afraid for their teen’s lives as their teen’s risk-taking and lifestyle keeps becoming more extreme as the parents’ ability to set boundaries and expectations seemingly erodes.

It’s hard to think clearly and find solutions at times like this. Therapeutic boarding schools and therapeutic wilderness programs can provide answers, but they come at a price, with some programs running upwards of $50,000 a year.

But cost doesn’t have to be an insurmountable obstacle in getting your teen the help they need. We have helped countless parents in similar situations come up with creative ways to finance therapeutic boarding school, knowing that their child desperately needs an intervention. Therapeutic boarding schools are no longer exclusively the domain of the wealthy.

Top 10 Ways to Pay for Therapeutic Boarding School

Here are 10 ways families just like yours found to finance their teen’s therapeutic program:

1.   Hire a Case Manager: Say what? More money? Yes. Just like a good tax professional can save you big time when filing, a good case manager can be well worth their weight in gold. Make sure they are UNAFFILIATED with any program and have the clinical expertise to help advise and guide your family through the whole process. Some clinical educational consultants that specialize are able to handle this. A great case manager will be able to create a treatment plan, explain the process for getting a comprehensive psychological evaluation, walk with you through the intake process, support you while your teen is in the therapeutic boarding school, and coordinate discharge planning to ensure a seamless transition back to home or college. The last piece is essential – making sure your teen has everything they need to succeed after they return. Great case managers also know how to secure reimbursement from insurance providers for teens that attend therapeutic boarding schools. There are definitely some tricks (eg. Hire a case manager that’s also a licensed professional counselor and much of their work could be paid for by insurance) and inside knowledge necessary to make this happen.
Typical cost: $95 – 350/hr (some charge a flat fee of several thousand). 

2. Find the Program’s Financial Aid Officer: The private school or wilderness program should have a financial aid officer who can advise you about how to finance your child’s education. You should ask this person what programs, loans, discounts, or financial aid the school offers. Find out exactly what is included in the tuition and board bills, and if there are additional expenses such as buying uniforms or paying special fees for sports.
Typical Cost: Nothing – programs provide this to try to entice you into signing up. Beware of anything that sounds too good to be true – verify any claims they make about coverage from insurance, student grants/scholarships or loans. 

3.  Public School Funding: You may qualify for a loan through a kindergarten through 12th grade educational loan program. These loans work the same way as college loans, in that you pay what you can while your child is enrolled in the private school, and pay the rest off later. The terms of some loans let you spread out payments over 10 or 20 years. Your credit history will be a factor in securing a loan. Your school’s financial aid officer should be able to help you find such a loan.
Typical Cost: Your sanity – they will drive you crazy with the bureaucracy and take loads of time during your work day since everything in public school shuts down by 3:30pm. 

4.  Discounts for Upfront Payment: Some schools offer discounts if you pay by the year, instead of by the month. The average student stays at a therapeutic boarding school for less than two years, and wilderness programs are even shorter.
Typical Cost: More money upfront but no other associated costs. 

5. Tap 529: Consider using your child’s college fund first. Think of the therapeutic program as a way to get your child back on the right path toward college. Without intervention, she won’t have the grades or motivation to get through college and use her fund.
Typical Cost: Make sure there are no withdrawal penalties for use for therapeutic boarding school. 

6. Put it On Plastic: When you enroll your child in these therapeutic programs, there will be upfront expenses such as processing fees and deposits. Some parents borrow these initial payments from credit cards, especially ones that offer “frequent flier” miles. This way their child is immediately enrolled. They use their free mileage for transportation to and from the school.
Typical Cost: Beware of high interest rates if you don’t pay off your balance in full. 

7. Angel Investing: Some parents borrow the necessary funds from employers or relatives, and pay them back after securing educational loans or home equity loans.
Typical Cost: If you go through a peer-to-peer or crowdfunding site like The Lending Club or Kickstarter, count on a 5% fee for total amount funded. 

8. Health Insurance Reimbursement: Your health insurance policy may cover part of the cost of a therapeutic program as a medical expense. When you hire a case manager, they will be able to tell you how to file the paperwork and what you need from the program to ensure a speedy reimbursement.
Typical Cost: Sanity… totally lost if your insurer are jerks that don’t reimburse when and how they should. You are attempting to pull money from their cold, dead hands. Expect a fight.

9. Consult Your CPA: Some expenses for therapeutic schools and wilderness programs can be deducted from your income tax return as medical expenses. If you own your own business, you likely have WAY more creative options for deducting medical expenses. 
Typical Cost: $200/hr for a good CPA to walk you through if and how to deduct from taxes. 

10. Tap Home Equity: Parents have taken out second mortgages or home equity loans and then deducted their interest payments on their income tax returns.
Typical Cost: Fees, closing costs total 2-6%. It also bumps the timeframe for paying off that home back several years.

11. Public School Funding: We lied – there turns out to be 11 ways to pay for therapeutic boarding school. Is your child enrolled in public special education classes because of problems like attention deficit disorder and learning disabilities? Does your child have an “Individual Education Plan” at a public school? Do you suspect your child has learning problems that the public school cannot address? In certain cases, public school districts have to reimburse parents for private school tuitions. The Supreme Court ruled on June 22, 2009, that an Oregon school district had to reimburse a family for private school costs because the child in question could not achieve a free and appropriate education within the district. The child had not been enrolled in special education classes but was diagnosed later with attention deficit disorder.

When it comes to what matters most parents are unstoppable in finding ways to get the services and support they need. Don’t let cost be the determining factor. If your teen needs help, speak with a case manager, your trusted CPA as well as a therapeutic boarding school you’re considering and work together to find a way to get your teen back on track.

5 Stupid Things My Teen is Doing

For this installment of Stupid Things, we start off nice and easy and then drop down into some weird crap. Kids are bored. I get it. We clearly need more devices since the iPhone 6 Plus, iPad, Mac, XBox, Playstation and all the other tech stuff just isn’t stimulating enough. We humbly present to you more stupid things teens are doing…

images (2)1. GoPro
GoPro is a small video device created for skateboarders, mountain bikers and surfers to self-film their adventures. GoPro went public this year. Why does this matter? Because their marketing budget exploded and with it, their target market which is now anyone who wants to film them self doing anything. Just let your imagination wander and you’ll soon realize why gopro-ing could be a problem for teens. They do some stupid prank at school, film it, post it on instagram and, voila! Instant evidence for the local DA to use against them.   

 

 

2. Vodka Eyeballingimages (1)
Pouring vodka in your eye sockets in order to get drunk faster and more efficiently is another dumb but real thing. It makes sense to the adolescent brain since the mouth is just soooo far away, best to use an eye. 

 

 

3. Beezin
Let’s continue our ‘eye’ theme. It’s called “Beezin,” (why do stupid teen things always leave off the last ‘g’?). Here’s the how-to – rub Burt’s Bees lip balm on the eyelids. It’s just that simple! No complicated steps like some of our other Stupid Things. The peppermint oil found in the balm creates a tingling sensation that some teens say enhances the feeling when they are already drunk or high. Others say its a way to keep them alert after a long night (…because that thing the brain and body do to restore itself each night is just soooo inconvenient, what’s that called? Oh, right! Sleep). If your kid is prone to stupid acts, look for pink-eye type irritation. Kids site the ‘natural’ ingredients as evidence of it’s safety but a Burt’s Bees rep argued “There are lots of natural things that probably shouldn’t go in eyes — dirt, twigs, leaves, food — and our lip balm.” 

images

 

4. Purple Drank
Just when you thought the good ‘ole days (1990’s) were behind us, creative teens desperate to feel something other than a stable middle class existence have resurrected use of cough syrup. Here’s the recipe – cough syrup, Mountain Dew (or Red Bull, etc) and Jolly Ranchers. Not sure what they’ll die from first, the dextromethorphan, guaifenesin, pseudoephedrine or Type II Diabetes. Keep an eye out for pilfered medicine cabinets (and pantries). 

 

 

5. Butt Chugging 
Yes, leave it only to bored American teens to come up with this one. It’s simple – take a tampon, soak it in alcohol, and insert into your butt. And yes, kids really do this.

That’s it folks. Join us next time for the sad but humorous exploration of how tomorrow’s leaders are spending their time today. 

7 Personal Finance Tips for College Kids

Yup - More advice for college kids.

Yup – More advice for college kids.

Chapel Hill is once again overrun with the bustle of students back at UNC. Restaurants are packed and campus is vibrating with the nervous excitement that envelopes our small town each Fall. Unfortunately, not all students are prepared to take-on the privilege and responsibility of freedom only a college student can experience.  Here are 7 Personal Finance Tips we have used with other kids and their parents. 

1. Finish Your Education

The only thing more expensive than a life without a college degree is a life with a partial degree and student loans. If your college student is struggling at State Univ with a bazillion other kids, take the next semester break to meet with a career counselor or clinical education consultant to discuss what about Big U. is not working for your kid. Don’t dump another penny into education until it’s towards the most effective environment for their learning. 

2. Set a Budget
Sit down with the parents, figure out what they are willing to provide either monthly, semester or for the whole year. This is your ‘income’ essentially. Next, calculate all your Essentials or Needs (beer is not a need). Things like printer cartridges, meal plan or food money, gas money if your off campus, text books. Next, figure out your Wants (this IS beer money). Add your Needs and Wants – this is your estimate in expenses. Break it down per week since doing it by months does not fit well with semester length. If you have $100 per week for your entire budget and your parents do a great job of ignoring request for additional injections of cash, you will quickly learn how to use a budget. We encourage parents to not put a lump sum in an account everything month – it’s way too tempting to blow through that in a week. Instead, put it in weekly based on the budget you all came up with. Any adjustments should be made during semester breaks in person. 

3. Invest (… a little)
What you’re lacking in capital (ie. $$$) you can make up for in time. With very little money put aside either each month or year, you’ll be able to take advantage of compound interest – the most magical of money making secrets. Here’s an example:
Let’s say you took $1,000 invested it August 2014 in a mutual fund with an interest rate of 5% per year as you were heading of to NYU for Fall classes. Each subsequent year, you put in only $250. After you graduate you get a job – not your dream job, but something that covers your bills with a little extra. You continue to put in $250 per year and do this for another 6 years. The total amount you invested was $1000 + ($250 x 9 years) =  $3250. But the cray thing is, your money has been quietly making little money babies in your mutual fund and the total value is actually $4,930.59. Nice. That’s $1700 in income you made without lifting a finger. What another magic trick? Put no more money in EVER and when you are 59 years old, that same $3250 will be worth $24,023.96. Play around with this calculator to see more about what money does over time. 

4. Learn Finance Basics
This is a great time to learn the basics about taxes, expenses, budgets and cost of living. Waiting until you’re 29 years old, married with a child on the way is the wrong time to start learning. Take advantage of any finance classes available at your school. Ask to help your parents during March and April while they prepare for taxes. The absolute most hardcore way to learn personal finance from my perspective is to start a business. This pushes you to understand basics of cashflow, expenses, revenue vs profits, taxes, selling, marketing and negotiating – all skills totally transferable to most other life domains. 

5. Lock Up Your Money
If you are a student and have money of your own either from a job or money from parents – consider putting it aside till you graduate. How do you figure out what to put aside? This is where our fancy-schmancy budget comes in. Figure out your reasonable realistic expenses for a semester X 8 semesters = Four years of college expenses. Life below your means (ie. income) and invest in yourself through education, relationships and experiences. Ignore all the crap other students stuff their dorms and apartments with and focus on yourself, getting the most out of your four years with low responsibility and high freedom. 

6. Get a Credit Card
The old school wisdom was to never get a credit card. Ideally, that sounds great – pay for everything with cash. Reality is credit (FICA credit score, that is) matters and credit cards are a great way to start building a great score. We recommend getting a credit card with a ceiling or spending limit that gets paid off each month. If the credit card is only used for school purchases like books, computer stuff, etc. it makes tracking the expenses for deductions and tax purposes way easier. It also helps provided easy tracking for expenses as relating to your new budget. Finally, it allows parents to easily review and pay the card balance while also getting card points if parents are in fact covering the bill. How to find one that fits? Try out Nerdwallet for some reviews on cards that seem well suited for the responsible college student. 

7. Work (…a little)
If you are privileged enough to not have to work while you’re in school, it’s not a bad idea to pick up a small part time job (or start a side business – ideas include laundry pickup, tutoring, making t-shirts). This will help build your resume and put some money in your savings account you’ll be able to tap when you graduate. If you’re taken out student loans, you’ll have to start repaying them within a few months of graduating so having a bit of a cushion in the bank will help lower your anxiety if finding a job or getting into grad school is tricker than planned. 

Ok, hope this helps get you all excited and prepared for the Fall semester. Contact us if you have specific questions about personal finance or career counseling for your college kid. 

FREE Parent Support Group: Residential Treatment and Higher Levels of Care

If you are a parent who wants to learn more about residential treatment for your teen or young adult child, our Parent Support Group is for you. This group is specially designed for Parents of Teens and Young Adult Children either in residential treatment or in need of residential treatment. Whether you have an acting out teen obsessed with gaming or a daughter exhibiting what seems like an eating disorder, residential treatment may be an option. But how do you choose? How do you know the good ones from the bad? We will walk you through the basics of the therapeutic program world through a discussion format. 

Topics will range from residential and treatment options, how to creatively pay for programs and use insurance, myths vs reality of treatment, parenting advice and skill building, and finally, sharing and venting. This is also an open forum to address any other problems related to acting out teens/adults – you’re not alone. 

WHEN

Mondays 7:00pm Starting September 8

WHERE

Fonthill Counseling Conference Room – 141 Providence Rd Suite 160 Chapel Hill NC 27514

COST

Free

FACILITATOR

Licensed therapist with expertise in residential treatment, counseling and parenting education will lead didactic, interactive and experiential sessions.  

RSVP

Due to limited seating, preregistration is required. Please email us at help@fonthillcounseling for sign-up instructions. 

California Fight Over Affluenza Defense

California lawmaker, Mike Gatto, is proposing a new law that would ban the use of “affluenza” as a defense in criminal trials. In December, a Texas teenager was spared jail time in a fatal drunk-driving crash. The teen’s defense team’s supporting evidence was that he was incapable of understanding consequences for his choices due to affluenza

The Los Angeles-area state Assemblyman introduced a bill this week that would prohibit considering a person’s privilege when sentencing – basically, environmental conditions impacting a defendant’s behavior should be ignored. 

“The fact that a defendant did not understand the consequences of his or her actions because he or she was raised in an affluent or overly permissive household shall not be considered a circumstance in mitigation of the crime in determining the punishment to be imposed,” the bill states.

The bill is a response to a controversial Texas case. In December 2013, State District Judge Jean Boyd sentenced a 16 y/o Ethan Couch to 10 years probation for drunk driving and killing four pedestrians and injuring 11 after his attorneys successfully argued that the teen suffered from affluenza and needed rehabilitation, and not prison. The defendant was caught on surveillance video stealing beer from a store, driving with seven passengers in his father’s Ford F-350 pick-up, speeding (70 MPH in a 40 MPH zone), and had a blood alcohol content of .24‰, three times the legal limit for an adult in Texas, when he was tested 3 hrs after the accident. Traces of Valium were also in his system. Dr. G. Dick Miller, a psychologist hired as an expert witness by the defense, testified in court that the teen was a product of affluenza and was unable to connect his behavior with consequences due to his parents teaching him that wealth buys privilege and insulates him from repercussions. The rehabilitation facility near Newport Beach, California (Newport Academy) that the teen will be attending will cost his family an estimated $450,000 annually.

Back to Gatto – He said he is trying to prepare for the next time someone attempts to hide behind the affluenza defense. 

“People often think of the Legislature as too reactive,” Gatto told the L.A. Times. “Up until last year, for instance, it was not illegal to commit rape if the victim thought the rapist was her husband or boyfriend, and people said how did you let this stay on the books so long? We’re trying to be proactive.”

The bill, introduced Tuesday, January 14, may be debated in committee as early as February.

Virginia Senator Deeds Stabbed by Son (…And How it Could Have Been Avoided)

Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds was Stabbed by his 24 year old son Austin (Gus) Deeds  who then killed himself with a shotgun at their rural home just West of Charlottesville, Va.. Austin Deeds had just been ‘psychologically’ evaluated just hours before at Bath Community Hospital under an Emergency Custody Order (ECO). The ECO is only good for 4 hours with a possible 2 hour extension if ordered by the magistrate.  Hospital staff stated, working within the maximum 4 hour window, they were unable to find a treatment facility to address Austin Deeds’ psychiatric needs despite several hospitals reporting they did in fact have availability.

Here is some analysis/questions from someone (me) that’s been in this profession for years. I also provide some ideas of solutions if you know of someone struggling with a similar situation:

1. Diagnoses: If the hospital was looking for a treatment facility this means that something the evaluator found indicated Austin was either a threat to himself or others or needed a a level of medical intervention not available at the current hospital. I’m also thinking about the type of evaluation that was conducted and why it was even done at BCH, what the evaluator’s credentials are, and how it was reviewed with Austin and his family. 

2. Discharge: If there were no options (which there clearly were), I wonder if and how the hospital communicated their findings from the evaluation as well as their concerns about safety to the parents and authorities. I’m also wondering what kind of discharge meeting took place. When a client is stepping down from a hospital or residential setting, we always facilitate a comprehensive treatment team meeting to talk about discharge so everyone leaves understanding what the next steps are – action steps. When we work with families struggling with similar issues, we don’t wait for the hospital to give updates. But as mental health professionals, we are able to navigate the bureaucracy much easier and get clear answers much faster. 

3. Responsibility: Providers, whether big hospitals or little, ole’ therapists, have an ethical and legal responsibility to communicate to authorities if a patient is in eminent danger. So who is responsible here? If you ask the hospital, they’ll probably point fingers until the next news cycle. If you ask an attorney, they’ll go through the policy and procedures for the hospital regarding intake, evaluations, referrals, discharge, etc. and anyone of making decisions in that chain could be liable.

4. Intervention (Placement Options): The hospital staff at BCH clearly did not consider referring outside of the traditional placement list (psych beds at hospitals). It’s unlikely that it was due to financial constraints and certainly not due to a lack of treatment centers as some have speculated (Yes, there are certainly a lack of medicaid-funded psych units in VA). There are facilities all over the country that are extremely well-equipped to accept, stabilize and work with patients just like Austin. Most hospitals, though, follow a tired, out-dated protocol of calling three near-by psych hospitals to find out if they have a bed avail. If they here no at all three, patient is discharged with a list of therapists to contact to set up an appointment. Sound ridiculous? You’re right. 

5. Solutions: In my humble opinion, Austin would be alive today if earlier intervention had been provided by a treatment team including a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, and case manager. The psychologist provides the initial psychological evaluation to identify the issues, what is causing them, and create a specific list of interventions for the rest of the team. The psychiatrist (though in limited supply in Bath Co, VA) performs an initial psychiatric (medical/medication) evaluation and identify what, if any, medication is necessary to compliment any individual counseling being performed. The therapist provides weekly counseling either in-office or in the family’s home to address areas identified within the psychological evaluation. The case manager is the project manager for everyone and is on-call 24/7. This person also facilitates regular treatment team meetings to ensure updates are provided to the family and all professionals. For instance, if the therapist starts seeing signs of bizarre thinking patterns which are historically correlated with dangerous behavior, the case manager can alert the rest of the team and monitor the client more closely while also increasing the frequency of support. If a higher level of care (ie. psychiatric hospitalization) is recommended by any member of the team, the case manager not only identifies a placement but completes all intake paperwork. The case manager also provides psychoeducation to the family to help them understand the client’s diagnoses and what they can do to most effectively support him. 

If you or someone you know is in a similar mess, do not assume your local hospital has the expertise to handle the situation. Contact a mental health professional to find services that can manage the entire project from assessment to placement to discharge and aftercare. 

Time to Start Thinking about Cyberbullying Again

Cyberbullying: The Fist of Technology

By Mary Hannah Ellis

Most of you probably remember your school bully at each level of your education – the tall fifth grader who liked to knock over kindergartners on the playground, or the burly, egotistical jock who made everyone else feel inferior with his brash jokes. However, a student could mostly avoid these school bullies by staying out of their way. Today, technology has enabled a new, ubiquitous form of bullying called “cyberbullying.” Cyberbullying involves a minor’s harassment, tormenting, humiliation, embarrassment, threatening, or otherwise targeting of another minor via technology.

Cyberbullying occurs through a variety of media, including social networking sites, text messages, online chat services, and email messages, to name a few. Facebook and twitter are some of the most active sites for cyberbullying

Do you suspect that your child or teen is a cyberbully or a victim of cyberbullying? Here are some warning signs to consider:

Your child or teen may be engaging in cyberbullying if he/she:

• Constantly uses the computer, even at all hours of the night

• Is secretive about his/her activities on the computer

• Appears nervous when using the computer or cell phone

• Quickly stops using the computer or switches screens when someone approaches

• Becomes excessively angry when cell phone or computer privileges are revoked

• Uses multiple accounts on different websites

Your child or teen may be a victim of cyberbullying if he/she:

• Unexpectedly stops using the computer or cell phone

• Avoids talking about what he/she is doing on the computer or cell phone

• Appears nervous upon receiving a text message, chat message, or email message

• Appears angry, depressed, upset, or frustrated after using the computer or cell phone

• Withdraws from interacting with usual friends

• Seems uneasy about going to school or going out in public

Children and teens who are victims of cyberbullying are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, have lower self-esteem, skip school, experience physical bullying, have poor academic performance, and have more physical health problems. Interestingly enough, cyberbullies themselves are also more likely to be bullied in real life and to have low self-esteem. There is also a significant risk of suicidal ideation associated with cyberbullying. With very little warning, a victimized kid could snap and hurt themselves or others. Without a doubt, cyberbullies and victims of cyberbullying could benefit from counseling or psychological intervention.

Contact us to find out how we can help.

Fonthill Founder Interview on StayHappilyMarried.com

Fonthill Counseling Founder and Clinical Director, Rob Danzman, was recently interviewed by the good folks at StayHappilyMarried.com.

The topic was how wealth impacts marriages and parenting. Rob talked about several key issues:

  • The different types of wealth and how they influence behavior, thoughts and feelings
  • How underserved the affluent generally are when it comes to counseling and couples work
  • How wealth impacts parenting
  • Three main problems – Lack of Boundaries, Lack of Trust, Lack of Consequences
  • What parents, clinicians and professionals can do to repair marriages and improve parenting

To read the transcript or listen to the whole interview, head over here.