How to Overcome Suffering

Suffering is the gap between what we expect and what our reality is.

If I expect to have a Tesla Model 3 (sooo sweet) but instead have a first generation Prius that smells like dog, I might be pretty miserable. If, on the other hand, I’d love to have a Tesla Model 3 but change my expectation to having a reliable vehicle regardless of flashy eco-cred, I shrink the gap between what I want and what I have. Harder said than done but no less true.













This also happens to be the foundation of non attachment. When we are attached to an outcome (eg. our kids will get an ‘A’ on their Calc test) we create an expectation. If our expectation is not met (eg. ‘A’) we suffer (eg. or get really pissed because we know they are totally smart and capable but probably didn’t study enough….). When we suffer we try to change our reality to fit our expectation (eg. ‘Study harder next time!’).

Peace (not happiness) comes from changing the expectation, not the reality. Having goals is super important. But goals are not the same as expectations. Goals are things we are working towards. Expectations are assumptions we make about the future.

Next time you get angry (or anxious or depressed), ask yourself what your expectation is compared to your reality and observe the gap between the two. Try changing the expectation just a bit.

Indiana University Students: Anxiety, Depression and Drug Use (and how to fix them)

Since moving to Bloomington, home of Indiana University, a few things have become clear. One – everyone here wears red clothing, drives a red car or paints a room in their house red. They don’t mess around with school pride.

Second thing I’ve noticed is the super-driven nature of IU students. They are high achievers and have big goals. Awesome. Big goals are great. Unfortunately, these same students are often not equipped for the challenges of living on their own and the intense academic load. Anxiety, depression and drug use are common here (as with most other big schools). Since there are so few counselors/psychotherapists in the area, I see a heavy load of students, especially when the pressure starts to creep in around mid-September. The partying picks up, parents are gone and classes start to dial-up intensity. It’s a toxic mix.

A great place to start is IU.

IU offers respite in the form of their counseling center (CAPS) but it’s a) triaging a problem, b) only short term and c) often doesn’t get to the underlying issues which are often years in the making. Don’t get me wrong, CAPS does a great job and the best they can considering how underfunded they are. The first two sessions for each semester are free. Each following session is $30. They generally have a waitlist so I recommend that students sign-up early.

CAPS also offers psychiatric care for those needing medical attention, like help or oversight with medication. The wait list is often even longer since there are fewer psychiatrists than counselors. Psychiatric visits are not covered under student health fees so insurance or out of pocket payment is expected.

For those struggling with more serious drug issues, IU offers OASIS/Journey. Students that sign-up for Journey get an assessment to determine the best level of care. Staff then decide between two evidence-based interventions in both group and individual settings, the Journey Program operates under 3 phases, designed to provide progressively more attention based on the student’s need.

Students referred from the Office of Student Ethics are charged $200. Alcohol and drug charges are applied separately. If a student was found responsible for both an alcohol and drug policy violation within the same incident, they get billed $400. For non-offense participants,they get charged a one-time fee of $25.00 after their first visit.

If IU doesn’t have the availability or discretion you and your family needs, reach out to me. If I can’t help, I’m happy to provide insight into other providers in the area who can.

The best thing for parents to do is start searching for professional support either through IU or the community in July and August. Getting appointments set and providers lined-up will be much easier when the semester has not started. Once the semester starts, a good counselor will work closely with parents and the school to ensure that everyone is aware of progress and prepared in case the students experiences more severe issues.

Hopefully, your son and daughter will not need any of this but if they do, act early and expect everyone to act as a team.